im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
