they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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