There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
