Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Say something about gay babies.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
