Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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