Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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