theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
