She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
