I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
