I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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