It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
3pm strippers are depressing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
