i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
