I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
