THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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