She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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