u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
