I cockslap morals
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
