Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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