So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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