Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
