Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize