i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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