there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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