I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's the barista slut.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
