so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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