She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
FUCK WHALES
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
