The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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