ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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