I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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