Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
