Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
