My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
