At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize