Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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