The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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