captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
