i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
