Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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