So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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