You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize