All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
