party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
