Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
