i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
