my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
