He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
