yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
