Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
