i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
