What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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