How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
