when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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