dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
