I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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