My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
