His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
