So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
