I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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