Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
