Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
