when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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