I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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