he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
