"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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