How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
