You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and she was petting her beer can
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
