Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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