There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
