i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
