I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
